share her thoughts and feelings about the loss of her
daughter. Entries will be dated and added as she is able.
The first entry is an e-mail Kristine sent to me, her mother.
"My Mom is a Survivor"
My Mom is a survivor,
or so I've heard it said.
But I can hear her crying at night
when all others are in bed.
I watch her lay awake at night
and go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with her
to help her understand.
But like the sands on the beach
that never wash away...
I watch over my surviving mom,
who thinks of me each day.
She wears a smile for others...
a smile of disguise!
But through Heaven's door I see
tears flowing from her eyes.
My mom tries to cope with death
to keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her knows
it is her way to survive.
As I watch over my surviving mom
through Heaven's open door...
I try to tell her that angels
protect me forevermore.
I know that doesn't help her...
or ease the burden she bears.
So if you get a chance, go visit her...
and show her that you care.
For no matter what she says...
no matter what she feels.
My surviving mom has a broken heart
that time won't ever heal.
By Kaye Des'Ormeaux©
October 15, 1998
"Just to good for this world", I think maybe that could be true of
Lauren. Maybe she was just to perfect for earth. Maybe God just
wanted her grown a little. She was still innocent and pure of heart
and she will always be that way. When we see Lauren again do we want
to say, "We haven't done much since you left us?" I think that she would
be very sad if that is what we had to say. We may not see now, but there
must be some good things out there for all of us. There are still people
to love and memories to make. And when we get to Heaven there will be
stories to share with Lauren. Lauren was a gift to all of us and losing
her should have taught us the meaning of true love, I mean the kind of
love that goes beyond earth, a love that goes from one soul to another,
the purest love. Lauren is not here anymore but her memory will always
be with us. If we never live again, never laugh, I think her death will
have been in vain. We need to take the most important gift she gave us,
the gift of "LOVE" and spread it around the world. We know she is happy
and waiting for us, I don't know how long each of us will be here on this
earth, we need to make each day count. I don't want to live with anymore
regrets if I lose someone else I love. So, in "Lauren's Memory" I will
try my best to be nice to someone each day, I will tell my kids and family
I love them more often, I will even try to give hugs, even though that is
hard for me. I will be there for another who has lost a child and show them
there is HOPE, and maybe one day be able to smell the flowers again.
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your daughter, Kristine
Today is nine months that Lauren has left this world. I went to the
cemetery today to move things so her headstone can be put in this week.
I moved all the angels to the foot of her grave, I went back to the top
of her grave, I pulled the temporary marker out of the ground. Then I
realized what I was doing, my nine year old daughter's name is in a
grave yard. I started calling her name, "Lauren" over and over, I got
louder, I closed my eyes and knew when I opened them she would be
there,then I opened my eyes, I was still alone. I thought, "this is
just a place of death". I closed my eyes again and just started
listening, slowly, I began to hear, first the birds, I heard the
trees blowing in the wind, the birds singing, I heard small animals
in the woods behind me, I even heard the river at the end of the
cemetery. Then I realized that in this place of death there is
still life. I know I will live the rest of my life with this
eternal longing I feel for my daughter. Her birth has given
me the greatest joy and her death my greatest sorrow.
I miss you "Sweet Lauren".....Mother
One year ago today, my life was forever changed. My beautiful Lauren
was taken from me. Oh, how I miss her smiling face, her giggle still
echoes through the house. How can it be that it has been a year? It
seems like yesterday that she gave me that last hug as she left with her
Dad, yet, it feels like an eternity. People may go on with their lives and
seem to forget the beautiful girl that was a part of my life, for me, she
is still so much a part of my everyday thoughts. I have learned to go
about life, but I walk around with all of my pain in my heart. People
seem to think I am like everyone else, only I know that I am different,
there are some who know how I feel. When I walk into a crowded room I
always wonder "is there someone else here who has lost a child?" We
look just like everyone else, but deep inside we are scared that we may
have a look in our eyes, for they are a mirror to our pain. I know I will
go and try to live some kind of life, but I will never be whole again,
for a part of me is gone. I love you sweet Lauren, you will always
be a part of me. 'Till we meet again, rest sweet angel.
Kristine...Mom to Lauren-Forever-Nine and Forever My Child
I often ask myself this question.
I just don't know how it can be.
Only two of my children live here on earth with me.
My daughter, who will always be nine,
Flies in Heaven by your side.
So I ask You Lord, please answer me,
Will I always be a Mother of three?
And Lord, what do I say,
When a stranger asks me "Are you a Mother?"
Should I smile and say YES,
I am a Mother of three,
But one was chosen to live Up above with Thee!!